I'm still down in the dumps, but lots of sleep has been helping...it's so stressful coming home...I want to do it, I feel like I should go home, but it's such a hassle just to get there and back that it doesn't seem worth it...I come home for maybe 3 or 4 days to go back to school for 2 weeks to come home again...Why do I need to come home for Thanksgiving? I could have just gone home with Jake or gone to SD with Meghan, but nooooo, my mom needs me at home, or so she says...she doesn't understand the humiliation of having to beg for rides, or have your friends drive you back (I love you Kats!) or try to coordinate it so it doesn't bother your friends or your parents...all this for FOUR FREAKING DAYS! I mean, is it really worth it? They won't let me have a vehicle, but they won't come get me, but I have no choice as to whether or not I come home...it's like freaking high school all over again, they're trying to rule my world...there's nothing I want more than to cut the apron strings...I love my family, but if I am supposed to "figure out who I am as an individual" how can I do that with my parents monitoring, deciding, and censoring my every move??????

Grargh, the frustration is killing me...I'm mad at my family, but I'm also mad at my friends here and I feel so distanced from everyone...I know life is not supposed to be easy, but as is usually the case my head knows what it's supposed to, but I can't get my heart and the rest of my life in order...I've had that problem over and over and over again, and I look to people who can make it look so easy and wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong? Man, am I venting tonite or what? I might win today's blog war, even though I'm not officially involved and prolly don't have the time to be involved anyway...so much shit, not enough time...