I feel I have some apologies to make...why I make them, I do not know, for the only thing I did was do my best for what I had in the situation I was in...yet no one seems to respect that playing the middle man isn't the easiest job in the world...

A friend of mine here said some things about another friend and the decisions she was making that I didn't agree with...Nevertheless, I didn't say a word to the girl..until she asked...and when one of my friends asks me a question about something so significant, I can't find it in my heart to lie to her...I just can't...

So I told her...maybe what I heard wasn't what the teller was meaning...but I tried...I tried to keep it all straight, I tried to get the correct message across without skewing it, or biasing it...I tried my best, dammit, and apparently that's not good enough...people won't be straight with each other, they can't tell each other what they're thinking, they have to go around behind their backs until one day it just blows up in their face...WHY CAN'T PEOPLE BE HONEST??? Is that a value that everyone around me has lost? So maybe I fucked up, maybe I messed up, and maybe I deserve to have my friends angry with me...but first I want to put them in the position where they have to be everything to everyone and try to keep everyone happy and get the messages across without offending anyone...it's harder than it sounds, people...

This isn't the first time I've had to do this...you'd think I would have had some practice...but everyone's so different, everyone takes things to heart in such a different and confusing way that I can only go by rule of thumb, only go by how I think people will react, and if they react differently, how is that my fault? I don't think people understand what this is like...I have had to do this for so many people this year, and things that just should be between them, have gone through me, and OF COURSE, everyone else wants to know what's going on too...it's none of your damn business! This should just be between these people, I shouldn't even have to hear it, but since people are too chicken to say anything straight, and I'm the bleeding heart who will listen, and ultimately wants to help (but never manages too) I get stuck...yes I am playing the goddamned martyr, watch me care...I hate doing this, I hate having to be the mouth of these people going "Well, he said you said..." and "She said, you said..." I hate doing it, but when the choice between doing that and having my friends hurting comes up, I choose the middleman because I love my friends so damned much that I just can't help it...I don't want to see them hurting, I think I would die to keep them from hurting...but that's what I'm doing, right now, is hurting, because no one understands my point of view, everyone just goes "well, you fucked it up good this time, Dana...are you proud of yourself?" And I can't be proud of myself because I am not proud of what I'm doing...but it's the best I can do...

All I did was take what I had in me, my judgement, my faith, and my hope...and put it to whatever use I could to try to make things if not better, than honest, between my friends...because if people can't be honest with each other, what can they be? Shouldn't that be at least respected, if not liked? Is it honestly that hard?