Wow...so as a few of you all know I poured my heart out today...I got courage in kind of a cowardly sort of way and told someone the feelings I had for them...I wasn't a little chicken shit for once! And it got me kinda stomped on...I mean, he was nice about it and all, but all the same it's really awkward and as I sit here typing this I wonder if it would have been better if I had never said anything at all and just left it alone...I would still have my friend, the way I want him to be, and nothing would be awkward between us...but I realize that someday I will prolly look back on this experience and be glad that I spoke up, because at least, once in my life, I opened myself up to someone...as usual, getting hurt in the process, but that's living...getting hurt...

I think many of my friends are taking it worse than I am...that's odd, but okay...I want to think that he's not telling the truth, but I know that the sooner I move on the better it will be for me...

I need another Sonshine...I need to hear a message of love from God...anymore, when I go to church, all I hear about is how the minister can explain some obscure passage of the Bible that makes no sense to me and brings no hope or joy to anyone but validates all the time he wasted in seminary...I need to hear, over and over and over again that God loves me and will never ever stop...I NEED TO HEAR THESE WORDS! My soul is hungering for them, but unfortunately, my Bible is in my desk in my room with my sleeping roommate...damn...I need Psalms, I need some comfort, but tonight there is no comfort and tomorrow, only a stats test...