I thought it would be a vacation...

I just got back from my "vacation" home to see my family and try to get over Patrick.

It didn't work.

I wonder if I should just leave Morris, start working at Wal-Mart full time and try to start over. I could turn into one of those women whose greatest desire is to have the nicest trailer in the whole park, with some press on nails and bright purple eyeshadow. I already own the eyeshadow.

If he wants me to leave, I will leave. I will never talk to him again. But I think that's a really stupid thing to do, to want me to leave. I think I have a hell of a lot to offer and if he's not okay with that, it's his loss.

I say that, and I feel brave, like I'm telling him to kiss off, but I'm not. I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, that there will never be anymore love for me to find. I know I have friends who care, but in this aftermath, friends only go so far. I need someone to hold me and tell me they love me, that I'm special in a way that is unique to them. I know that he has the possibility to do this, but I'm not sure that he's willing. If he's not, I guess I'll just have to find it from someone else. Now I just need to find someone else. Someone else? Are you out there somewhere? If you want to call me, my phone number's....